Many families, including ours, celebrate the day they met their adopted child and became a family. Commonly, this day is referred to as “Gotcha Day”, but I choose to think of it as Forever Family Day. Maybe it is only semantics, but “Gotcha” day sounds insensitive to me. Perhaps right now Harper does not understand or cannot verbalize the pain associated with this day, but one day she might not feel like this is an occasion to celebrate. One day, I assume she will have feelings of loss, and I don’t want to diminish those feelings. While I am celebrating her addition to our family, she might be grieving over the loss of her birth family or the unfortunate circumstances that led to this day. Adoption, no matter how wonderful in the end, is always rooted in loss.
Many times friends and loved ones have expressed how “lucky” Harper is. While I know these comments are said with the best intentions, I think that one day Harper might express that she doesn’t feel “lucky” to have been born in a country where babies are abandoned due to circumstances beyond the control of the birth parents. It's been said that adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where everyone expects the victims to be grateful and appreciative. As Harper’s adoptive parent, I feel like I am the lucky one.
As such, August 13 will always be a special day, a day I fully intend on celebrating, from here until forever. After all, it is symbolic of the day we became a forever family. We will celebrate “Forever Family Day” but will remember that while we are celebrating Harper’s addition to our family, there is another family with heavy hearts. Traditionally, I give Harper a charm for her Pandora bracelet, we “adopt” a stuffed animal at Build-A-Bear, and we eat at a Chinese restaurant. As we celebrate, we will be loving and acknowledging her birth family, too, because without them we wouldn’t be together. Harper’s China Momma is the one who ultimately created this family I will forever be grateful to have.
Many times friends and loved ones have expressed how “lucky” Harper is. While I know these comments are said with the best intentions, I think that one day Harper might express that she doesn’t feel “lucky” to have been born in a country where babies are abandoned due to circumstances beyond the control of the birth parents. It's been said that adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where everyone expects the victims to be grateful and appreciative. As Harper’s adoptive parent, I feel like I am the lucky one.
As such, August 13 will always be a special day, a day I fully intend on celebrating, from here until forever. After all, it is symbolic of the day we became a forever family. We will celebrate “Forever Family Day” but will remember that while we are celebrating Harper’s addition to our family, there is another family with heavy hearts. Traditionally, I give Harper a charm for her Pandora bracelet, we “adopt” a stuffed animal at Build-A-Bear, and we eat at a Chinese restaurant. As we celebrate, we will be loving and acknowledging her birth family, too, because without them we wouldn’t be together. Harper’s China Momma is the one who ultimately created this family I will forever be grateful to have.
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